Chris Christie, George Washington and Hubris

George Washington was the father of our country here in the tri-state area as well as for those other states. Actually, I only pretend to like New York, and as for Connecticut, it's just a place to get great pizza. Love that Sally's Apizza in New Haven!

So I don't like you, New York. I also don't like anyone in my own state who didn't vote for me. What about that is a news flash? What about that is unique to me, Chris Christie, lover of hoagies and families and puppies and the perfect post-Sandy photo op? P.S. That fire on the Jersey Shore last year.... très convenient, eh? But I digress ...

I didn't cause this so-called "traffic jam". I use those quotes -- and if you could see me sitting here on this big fat chair you'd see I'm making air quotes -- because it's ridiculous. That's ridiculous with a capital R. The kind of silly stuff I usually reserve for those late-night Carvel runs when I find out they've run out of rocky road. Don't get me started. (And to that mother of the sixteen-year-old I almost blew up at, I am sincerely sorry and yes, of course he started it!)

Back to me. I love New Jersey. I love the George Washington Bridge. I hired stupid staff! Can you blame a guy? Look at Obama with Biden. Do you think he wants to take responsibility for all the crap--er, missteps--er, steps--that moron--er fine Vice President has taken? NO. Why do you think the Prez and I bonded here on the Jersey Shore? He speaks my language. (Also, to the aforementioned love of pizza runs, the president lets me have 8/10ths of the pie. OK, we reserved a slice for Michelle, but she made us put, ugh!, vegetables on it!)

Look, I did not cause "Bridgegate" just in the same way I did not cause SANDY! It was an act of God, people. Let's get back to the real problems here in New Jersey. Let's get back to my impressive forty-pound weight loss! Let's get back to some sense. Who needs Teaneck anyway? Oh, I'm sorry did I say that outloud? Is this mike on? You told me this was a trial run ...

Damn you, CNN! I will get you! I will get all of you! You are all fired!

Mary Pat, get me some waffles. I am hungry! Now!

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Photo caption: Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons Images, photo by White House photographer Pete Souza, Oct. 31, 2012. President Obama and Governor Christie survey damage from Hurricane Sandy.